The default method used to tell if the server has started or stopped is executing the 'twiddle' command, which comes with each jboss distro.
First and foremost, twiddle and stop require proper username and password authentication. You must add them to your launch configurations and command line arguments.
The way to tell if the server is up or down can be changed via preferences under JBoss IDE / servers. You can change the timeout value and then change what to do upon a timeout. Options are cancel the startup if it times out, or just mark it as started.
If changing the username / pw doesnt work (though it should), you can just change the timeout value to a low one and set behavior to ignore the timeout and mark server as started.