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Hani Suleiman of the infamous bile blog has been elected to the Java Community Process (JCP) Executive Committee (EC). The JCP is the somewhat controversial organization set up by Sun to control, develop and set the standards around Java. Hani's election has come at the expense of Iona. You have probably heard of Iona. They created one of the world's most widely deployed CORBA solutions.


JCP EC member Hani Suleiman:


Let's look at the other luminaries who support this travesty shall we? We have Bob McWhirter (codehaus lead masturbator), Jon Tirsen (incoherent immature loudmouth), hardcore groovy hackers (gosh, they suppport it? Astounding), Geir Magnusson Jr (nice guy, velocity guy, apache minion), and ThoughtWorks (obnoxious pretentious gits). Put together, this bunch of misfits are responsible for a surprisingly huge number of truly horrific ideas. All they need is the Midas touch of Craig Mcflafla to have that ultimate java winning team.


Who is Hani Suleiman? There is a good chance that many people who read this blog are not regular blog enthusiasts. Hani runs a blog called "The Bile Blog" which is predominantly devoted to disparaging Java technologies and vendors with various colorful metaphors which frequently involve comparisons to bowel movements or sex acts. Hani works for a company called Formicary which you have probably also never heard of. I haven't bothered to figure out what they do since the only reason I know who they are is because that is who Hani "that Bile guy" works for.


JCP EC member Hani Suleiman:


I mean, it's one thing to come up with new scripting language and proclaim it to be the best thing since internet porn. In that same vein, even the breathtaking audacity of trying to whore it via the auspices of the JCP can be dismissed as a severe case of mass insanity. However, to do all that AND hijack a perfectly legitimate word is beyond the pale.


Just think of all the poor bastards everywhere who think that they can enrich their lives and maybe even make a bit of money by learning java. They pick up the basics. They pick the clique they want to be part of, they start a blog and unwrap their disused genitalia and prepare for a good few years of furious and misguided tugging. After all that, what do they find? Well, they'll find that doing all that means a reduction in their vocabulary. They will have a word cruelly stolen from them. They will gnash their teeth and tear at their hair when they realise that if they ever want to say 'groovy' again, it had better be yet another hilarious joke about James Strachan's latest illegitimate offspring freakshow. No longer will they be able to casually express approval by using that word, or even exclaim with slight surprise using that particular combination of letters.


Hani will probably truly find it ingratiating that he has been voted onto the JCP (right before biling it), but many will probably read through this for what it is. It is a negative gesture, representing the triumph of mediocrity. Hani's blog is a guilty pleasure for many of us, but has the "Java community" become so decadent that scribbling obscenities on the public toilet walls of the Internet is now considered a meaningful "statement"? Hani has managed to get himself elected to a number of JCP committees where he mostly contributes "why bother" type statements. Is it no longer necessary to establish yourself as a software developer and leader when you can go further by insulting those who do? In addition, Hani prefers to attack the people who "do" rather than their actual work. After all, why limit yourself to criticizing the software when it is so much more fun to insult its authors and consumers....and their children.


JCP EC member Hani Suleiman:


The ridiculous assumptions made by all these articles are breathtaking. It's telling that all these evangelists have next to nothing to do with Java, and are more often than not linux zealots running out of linux stories to masturbate to. For example, the furious arm waving proclaiming that if Java doesn't go opensource, dotnot will win. Absolutely amazing the way this argument can actually be delivered without a hint of humour or sarcasm. Am I the only person who fails to see the Mel Gibsonesque leaps of Faith required to link the two? I mean really, what Java developers are being lost to dotnot? I'll tell you, it's the idiot kids who have that shiteating grin plastered on their faces at the sight of anything new. As soon as it becomes a serious technology, they jump ship and move onto something more hackworthy, or start a codehaus project or something.


If this is the kind of leadership that we're going to come to expect from the JCP, then the validity of the JCP itself comes into question. Sure Sun throws it birthday parties in which representatives of the Klingon Empire attend and claims "JCP. Better than Open Source?" (actual name of a Java One session before I complained; it was also implied at the aforementioned JCP birthday party held during ApacheCon, much to the chagrin of the attendees) -- but is Hani really going to contribute to the design or standardization of Java? He serves a purpose in calling out the excesses and inadequacies of Java and its community, ridiculing its pettiness and self-importance, but nowhere has he demonstrated the qualities necessary to lead this thing? In all likelihood, Hani probably will help Sun spread the fragmented love/hate message about open source:


JCP EC member Hani Suleiman:


What's even more offensive is how various Java type people will actually talk about the idea as if it's a serious suggestion, or a matter worthy of discussion. The sheer presumptuousness of the premise beggars belief. Believe it or not, Java was never about sucking up to a bunch of slashdot teenagers. Who the hell cares what the Open Source Community think of Java? Their goodwill (or lack of, in fact) clearly has had absolutely no effect on Java. Just look at all the Java projects on sourceforge and freshmeat. Not exactly a lonely group desperate for all the marketing it can get.


I'm curious, what contributions do you think Hani will make? New APIs? (javax.insult.AssHat) Extra points for funny.


UPDATE: You can still read the comments here, but they have been disabled because some freak show started posting a bunch of racist hate speech that I found offensive (those posts were deleted). Participants who wish to have a meaningful conversation regarding this are welcome to email me personally, but I have no patience for the type of communication that this anonymous poster espoused. I totally support your right to free speech even the offensive stuff, just not from a server/software that I manage (and I don't support your right to do so anonyously -- you should have to stand by your message).